restraint is… (you don’t, you won’t, you can’t)

dear reader,

restraint is looking at your life when they’re right in front of you, wearing a mask, standing in the midst of a global pandemic/lockdown/quarantine, and wanting to kiss them so badly, so badly your stomach soars, your heart sinks, your lips achem but you don’t, you won’t, you can’t…

restraint is wanting to wear a cute tee and leggings to school, wanting to wear space buns and overalls to school, but last time some stranger in the hallway told their friends you looked childish, last time the girl you thought was your best friend told you “you look like a kindergartener,” so you don’t, you won’t, you can’t…

restraint is feeling sad, like the world is crumbling around you, your heart is breaking within you, and wanting to just get up, just have a shower, just move your ass, just eat something (or nothing) (or everything), just buy something, just do something, but you don’t do anything because the sadness is crushing, and who do you think you are, challenging the quiet, the darkness, the night itself, you don’t, you won’t, you can’t…

love, magic